Laura’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check.
“Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my bulldog, Bob. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I repeat, do not talk to my parrot!”
When the repairman arrived at Laura’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!”
To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Bob!”
Nurse asked her patient to take off his clothes and promised not to laugh. She Failed
The Nurse asked a patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown to be checked by the doctor.
“In front of you?” He asks, shy.
The Nurse says: “Well no, but I’ve seen the [email protected] human body before.”
The Patient said, “Not one like mine. You’d die laughing at my body.”
“Of course I won’t laugh,” said the Nurse to the patient. “I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then,” said the Patient, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing a huge male body with the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life.
In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the Patient’s private part, she composed herself as well as she could.
“I am so sorry,” the Nurse said, “I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that it won’t happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?”
“It’s swollen,” the Patient replied.
She ran out of the room.
Sometimes we think we know exactly what to expect. Sometimes we’re very wrong.