1.
My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless.
It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 10, 2014
2.
My wife just opened my car door for me.
Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70mph.
— Brad Broaddus (@BradBroaddus) May 26, 2012
3.
Txt from wife: where r u
Me:kitchen
Wife:can u feed cat
M: I mean garage
W:bring in laundry
M:bathroom
W:clean toilet
M: Idaho
W:get potatos
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 16, 2015
4.
me: honey you need to embrace your flaws
wife: ok [hugs me]
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) August 16, 2017
5.
I don’t understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) September 21, 2014
6.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife’s is around $643.27. Apparently
— Boyd’s Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) July 19, 2013
7.
Wife: It’s like every man on earth has to share one brain
Me: [can’t think of a good comeback because it’s not my turn to use the brain]
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 6, 2016
8.
The Mrs and I have been married so long she can finish my sentences.
She also starts most of them and supplies the middle parts too.
— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) April 12, 2016
