So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack.
“Hey Tom” said Oscar to his friend, “You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor.”
“Oscar” hollered Tom spitting the food out of his mouth, “please not while I am eating!
A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
She was still feeling bloated from lunch, so she was fearful of farting in front of her date, who hadn’t arrived yet.
It wasn’t long before she actually did let one out, but she managed to cover up the sound with a fake cough.
She continued waiting for her date to arrive, but wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
As she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.
Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands “Stop that!”
The waiter looks at her dryly and says
“Certainly, madam. Which way was it headed?”
Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor.
He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss.
“Sir, please calm down,” the manager replied. “It’s dead. It can’t bother you now.”
“The dead one doesn’t bother me.” Bob said. “It’s his pallbearers.”
